Do you constantly measure yourself against this impossible and invisible standard? You are never quite enough. When you decide to do something for yourself, your heart starts racing, and your mind starts to wander. Did you do enough? Did you spend enough time with your kids today? Did you handle tantrums right?
These never-ending questions and feelings of worry can only be described as one thing: MOM GUILT. It seems like other moms have it all together, and when you talk to another parent, you wonder if you are somehow failing. Although many moms experience this, it shouldn’t be something you live with. This article will explore the science behind it and how to get rid of that nagging voice. Let’s get started!
Table of Contents
Overview of Mom Guilt
Mom guilt is shame or guilt that arises when parents or caregivers think they aren’t meeting certain expectations. This means that not only mommies can experience it. Some are temporary, while others are long-lasting and vary from person to person.
According to BabyCenter, 94% of moms reported feeling guilt that is parent-related. However, a Bright Horizon survey showed that 87% of moms felt guilty when working. Although the numbers differ from survey to survey, the same conclusion is reached: Many moms feel overwhelmed by the pressures of parenting and home responsibilities.
The Root
Revolutions From Home wrote an article about where mom guilt really comes from and said that they don’t buy constantly feeling guilty. Things like societal norms, the caring nature of mothers, repressed emotions, and the overwhelming amount of information about parenting contribute to this feeling. But this is not something that should be brushed under the rug. The following section discusses how mom guilt can be overcome. Let’s take a look!
8 Ways to Overcome Mom Guilt
There is a mom guilt quote that says, “There is no perfect way to be a mother and a million ways to be a good one.” Isn’t that just powerful? The idea is that mothers or caregivers should accept that they are doing their best.
The following actionable steps can significantly change your feelings of guilt and shame. Combine each of these for the best results!
- Start with the Source: Why are you feeling this way? Is it something that another parent insisted was the only way to do something, or does it stem from societal norms? Make a note of that and start there. You can write it in a journal and do some reflecting. Another great way to start with the sources is by fighting these negative thoughts when they come up. If the voice tells you, you aren’t doing a good job. Answer back with the exact opposite.
- Be Compassionate: You are human, which means that making mistakes is inevitable. So, allow yourself to make mistakes! Being gentle with yourself can alleviate feelings of guilt. Self-compassion has many other benefits, such as improved mental health, relationships, and physical health.
- Spoil Yourself: Now, spoiling oneself doesn’t have to entail spending money on new boots or even the new purse that just dropped. It can include meditation, a message, being gentle with yourself, and more. It’s all about giving yourself some good feelings.
- Don’t Expect: The picture often created by other parents and society doesn’t have to be what a good mom looks like to you. It’s okay to redefine it and move on. This does not mean that you shouldn’t challenge your own expectations of motherhood – as long as it’s done in a healthy manner.
- Celebrate: Shift the focus from guilt to gratitude! Celebrating has great benefits, such as releasing feel-good chemicals, improving mood and motivation, building self-esteem, and more. So, acknowledge the effort and love you put into raising your child by taking yourself out or in any other way you would like
- Forgive Yourself: When you mess up, forgive yourself. The sentence starts with “when” because it will. This lightens the load by healing yourself emotionally, improving mental health, improving relationships, increasing productivity, and reducing stress.
- Get Help: Connecting with other moms or professionals can help alleviate feelings of isolation, which is excellent for dealing with mom guilt. Moms and other caregivers often withdraw socially because they might feel judged or find discussing these issues challenging.
Conclusion
The journey of parenthood is undeniably complex and is often accompanied by something called mom guilt, which does not just include mom. But this overwhelming feeling is not a true reflection of your worth or capabilities as a parent. It’s influenced by things like society’s expectations, internalized beliefs, and the overwhelming nature of modern parenting.
Overcoming it starts by understanding and actively working on a healthier mindset. This involves identifying the source, being compassionate, spoiling yourself, leaving expectations behind, celebrating, forgiving, and getting help when needed.
This is your reminder that you are doing an amazing job and that you shouldn’t be hard on yourself – mom guilt and all!
FAQs
What are the main triggers of mom guilt?
There are many triggers, such as social expectations, personal beliefs, comparisons with other parents, and unsolicited advice. Society’s expectations imply that parents should always prioritize their kids, which can lead to more pressure.
How does mom guilt differ for working moms versus stay-at-home moms?
Any mom or parent can experience mom guilt regardless of their work status. Working moms often feel guilty about not spending time with their children because of their job commitments, while stay-at-home moms may feel guilty for not contributing financially.
Can dad guilt exist, and why is it not as commonly discussed?
Yes, dads can experience guilt, but it isn’t commonly discussed due to different societal expectations. The emotional and nurturing responsibility typically falls on mothers, while dads provide. However, this has changed in recent years.
Some dads feel guilty when they are away from their children, but these feelings aren’t accounted for in the same manner.
What role does social media play in increasing mom guilt?
Social media is full of highlight reels that feature idolized moments of motherhood, which creates an unrealistic standard. This can easily make others feel guilty for not having those picture-perfect moments or even feel inadequate. This social comparison contributes to many parents feeling this way.
